I told myself, I was not enough

I needed to lose weight

put makeup on

smile more, be better

much better, until I was good enough

when I was good enough

I had to figure out, good enough, again

again, again and again

be nice, be the bigger person

condition myself to become

what I was told

the magazine told me

if I just do one more thing

I may get there, until the next

publication

my flesh held on to pain

my body pushed down,

emotion, my own voice, what I wanted

beyond the noise, remorse

After experience, life happens; you wake up

to realize, those voices

those thoughts and experiences

were the article, story, image

portrayal, conditioning, molding

shaping of the perfect woman

unrealistic expectations

merely decorations

to achieve the unachievable

until the next publication

I stopped buying and started doing

Now, I hear me, in the silence

The silence I subscribed to says

I am enough, I am awake

without needing validation or approval

I do it for me

I like that magazine subscription